Reality hit, such a terrible thing
One brother gave up and it was burning me
'Cause the poor kid had the same bird as me
Fem Fel's official lyric explanation
That’s again one of my…I think out of all my music…I always talk about my life but that might be my deepest hurt. That’s basically...there’s a guy...I was in Portland Prison HMYOI - which is Her Majesty’s Youth Offenders Institute - and it must have been 2003 maybe. There was a guy who got the same sentence as me - six years - and then one day he just killed himself. He honestly hung himself.
It was crazy because, a couple of days before we played football together in like...we had a football team and we used to play different wings and whatnot and he was totally cool.
One day I woke up, a few days late, and the wing was awfully quiet and I didn’t understand what was going on. Then we get opened up to get your breakfast at a certain time and nobody opened up the doors and nobody knew what was going on and everyone was really confused and everyone was shouting out the window what’s going on and whatnot.
I don’t know how but our wing’s windows were, kind of, next to each other and somehow you can pass a message from so far away, but it takes a while to get to you, of course, because it has to go across the whole wing. And, like, it turned out that someone had killed themselves - which was really strange and really shocking because you hear about stuff like that - in films, again. But it never happens to anyone close to you or even anybody on the same wing as you.
I think it was hours until we were let out and when we were let out the officers didn’t actually tell us. But I think the guy who was in the cell next door said, “yeah, he killed himself.” It was just like, “whoa!” It was crazy. It was like “wow! He actually killed himself.”
Then, I remember we had to wait and watch the guy’s stuff be dragged out - and in prison you have clear…like they’re clear bags they use to put people’s stuff in. I remember he had those Nike Shox - you know the Nike Shox with the springs at the back that people used to wear? I remember he used to always have them. He used to always wear them and I remember just…that’s the only image I remember seeing.
Out of the whole mass of about four clear bags of stuff they were taking out - because it’s obviously no longer needed - and I saw the trainer. I just thought bloody hell and he was going to be out the same month as me or something like that. It wasn’t like he had…it is a long time but I just didn’t understand.
I was angry, I was sad. It was just a really horrible experience to go through, at the time. I was only 20-years-old and it was just like…yeah, it was horrible. It was horrible.